Big Ed's PlaceLiving sex, lies, and videotape
We’re cleaning out the basement and I came across the framed European quad poster of sex, lies, and videotape that appears in Friends and Benefits. Boy, did that bring back memories.
The full story starts in college. My then-girlfriend was a big movie buff–something I stole for Tina. She saw 1-2 movies a week, and often saw the same one several times. We were dating the year sex, likes, and videotape came out and I think we saw it three times in the theaters before she moved on to the next film to seriously grab her interest.
As for me… I loved it. The movie spoke to me in many ways, which I’ll cover in a review soon. It stuck with me as not only an amazing movie in and of itself, but at a personal level. I was a confirmed voyeur by then and I knew that the only thing that stood between me and being James Spader is that I had no deep emotional scars to lead me to choose video over real life relations.
But that was coming. When the college girlfriend and I broke up, it was one of those wrenching splits that leaves jagged scars for all to see. The type that ooze and often fester, as this one did.
It was shortly after we broke up that I walked into a poster shop in Tucson and saw the European quad poster. The clerk was a cute Hispanic girl who was very friendly. She liked the movie too and we had a great conversation. Much like in Friends and Benefits, I dithered about asking her out then, so I bought the poster to give me an excuse to come back. When I picked the poster up, I did ask her out. She said yes, gave me her phone number, and then said no when I called her to make the arrangements. My character “Tina” gained her superficial characteristics from that exchange.
The poster became the second piece of framed art to hang in my apartment; the first being a Nagel print that had been a gift from the college girlfriend. The Nagel remained in a discreet location whereas the movie poster held a prominent position on my wall in my living room. It would continue to hold a similarly prominent place for another decade even through two moves.
It finally came down when my wife moved in, as we had other things to hang on that wall. However, I’d been thinking about replacing it for some time, but never found something I liked that fit the space (a quad poster is quite large). That desire to replace it came from a conversation I’d had at my open house.
An acquaintance had noticed the poster and asked, “Do you realize what message you’re sending with that poster?” I said I didn’t think there was much message, and he said, “Are you sure? What would women who come over and see that think?”
A female friend sitting nearby said it would make her think twice about dating me. It certainly caused me to stop and consider what the poster meant to me.
And what I realized, is that, in many ways, I’d come to live the movie. I’d spent years obsessing about an ex, just like Spader’s character. My voyeurism had gone from minor to full blown, and while I didn’t have videotape, I did have photos. Furthermore, I’d wound myself so tight in controlling myself and my sexuality that I was missing out on a lot.
It’s not a good thing to wake up and realize you’ve been living a movie, even loosely, unless it’s a very happy movie. sex, lies, and videotape doesn’t qualify. But I did wake up, and the next few years were a great time of exploration that culminated in me meeting my wife.
Hmmm… I think the only posters I’ve put on the wall have been poster-sized prints of photos I’ve taken, and they’ve gone in the study.
I couldn’t even remember what the s,l,& v poster looked like, so I just googled it. Can’t say that it does much for me, though the knowing look in the eyes gives me a clue what it might do for you.
But still, if I saw that poster on a wall I probably wouldn’t get past ‘Cool poster’ before moving on. I guess your aquaintances, like you, think about such things more than I do?
Steve… I’m surrounded by people who think too much.