Big Ed's Place

In my experience in the bsdm world, most people just “play.” Bdsm may be an occasional or frequent part of their sex life, but it doesn’t define their life. This is consistent with how most people live their lives. Sex may be important or unimportant, but it is not the majority of their life.

There are, of course, exceptions where sex is the majority of a person’s life. Sex workers and addicts immediately come to mind. I’ve found very few people who aspire to either of those roles or lifestyles—a few natural courtesans and tantrikas but that’s about it. For most people, career, family or other hobbies are much more defining than what they do in the bedroom. Most people don’t aspire for sex to be more than “play” regardless of how kinky it may be.

However, in the bdsm world, there seem to be a notable exception, which is the 24/7 sub (someone who is a submissive 24 hours a day, 7 days a week). They’re sometimes called a “lifestyle” submissive and they spend their days serving their master, much as happens in the movie Secretary. I’d originally taken this to be just another fantasy like harem fantasies—fun to enjoy in the daydream, but unworkable in reality.

Aside—yes, I know there are real harems in the world these days. However, I have yet to hear of a real one that wasn’t either a case of women being held against their will or women being paid a whole lot of money to participate. The former I find repulsive and the latter is beyond the financial reach of 99% of men, even in the wealthy West.

So I was surprised when I met my first 24/7 submissive in our bdsm club. She lived with her Master and Mistress and served their needs around the clock without question. In exchange, she was a member of the household. She turned out to be happy to discuss her life at length. Later, I watched her break up with that Master and Mistress and be collared to another Master and his wife. That latter relationship lasted a few years before it too broke up, but by then I’d left the club.

For her, the lifestyle was in part because she just couldn’t manage life on her own. Despite being in her 30’s, she couldn’t manage her money, be reliable in meeting appointments, or even do basic household chores without screwing it up. I never understood why that was true, but she fundamentally needed someone to take care of her and tell her what to do on a day by day basis.

Such day to day direction gave her life structure and helped her relax and be happy. As such, she was more than willing to do whatever her Master ordered, be it sexual or not. I saw her first Master make some very wild orders too—including loaning her out to other Dom’s from time to time. Since I never played with her myself, I don’t know what her limits were, but from her public play and the stories she told, I imagine they were pretty far out there.

One example—she was blindfolded and taken to a party. She knew there were about 20 people there and it was in a private home and she could recognize some of the voices, but that was it. She was ordered to strip naked, then bound to a chair with her hands free. Then she was told she had to masturbate to ten orgasms before she would be released, which was a lot because she was not multi-orgasmic. As she tried to come, she could hear the party going on around her as if she wasn’t there, with barely a comment about her show. When she finally managed her last orgasm after many hours of masturbating while tied up, she was untied and taken home. Her blindfold was never removed at the party and she never found out who had watched her play with her clit. She told me that despite the orgasms, it was more an ordeal than pleasurable but she did it because her Master had ordered her to.

Now I don’t know if she was a good example of those who become submissives 24/7 or not. While I met a few other submissives who said they were 24/7 at play parties, I didn’t really get a chance to know them well enough to know what that meant.

That said, I did meet another submissive who almost lived the 24/7 lifestyle. She was fully capable of living on her own and a generally well-adjusted person (at least as well-adjusted as any of us are). She lived with her Mistress and their rule was simple–the Mistress could give her an order at any time while they were both home and she had to obey it. They had a code she could use if she didn’t want to obey it for some reason, so she wasn’t as deep of a submissive as the first woman. So sometimes she’d be told to go clean the sink and would say, “Is my mistress sure?” and then get a different order. Sometimes she’d be told, “Service me. Now.” and she’d immediately drop to her knees and begin licking her mistress to an orgasm.

So what would it be like to truly live the lifestyle? I suspect I’d personally be exhausted if I had a sex slave 24/7 because I know how much energy taking care of a toddler requires. Is it something that perfectly sound submissives, without the problems of the one woman I knew well, would sign up for? I lack sufficient data. Nonetheless, of the common ‘big sexual fantasies,’ it does seem to be one that does happen from time to time.

Tags: bdsm, my history

This entry was posted on Wednesday, September 22nd, 2010 at 6:00 am and is filed under General Musings. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.