Big Ed's Place

So, in my last musing, I talked about Sex Toys and the Single Guy. I figured I should post a review about my favorites of the toys I owned when I was single.

Now, as I mentioned, these toys weren’t for me, but for female lovers who graced my bedroom. Not using them directly, I’m not really qualified to discuss the quality of the vibrations, the feel of it against a clit, or all the other details that a woman might find relevant. Basically, they’re big, they’re noisy, and they have a very strong vibration.

So why did I like them?

For one, they worked rather well. Every woman who tried one was able to have an orgasm. That wasn’t the case with other toys, such as the standard dildo shaped vibrator. And let’s face it, women having orgasms are good for the single guy.

The other reason is that they worked best for use during intercourse. It did require some careful positioning, though. The way to use a large vibrator during intercourse is to have the woman kneel on the floor next to a bed or couch or chair. She can then lean forward and rest her upper body on the furniture, leaving her hands free to hold the toy. The guy gets behind her and takes her doggystyle. The large head of the vibrator makes it easy for her to hold the toy against her clit. Smaller toys are harder to hold in place, and I have yet to find an effective toy to use in missionary or cowgirl positions. There’s just not a lot of space.

Now, the practical elements–the Magic Wand has two downsides. First, the head is really a bit harder than some ladies liked. Second, it has to be plugged in, which may require an extension cord in order to be able to avoid the cord constraining where you can play.

In contrast, the Accuvibe head is more shaped, with a nub for point massage, and is a bit softer. It also unplugs, making it very portable. I had a very enjoyable bdsm scene once using one. The downside is, frankly, that the rechargable battery doesn’t last forever. I’ve owned four over the years and had two die on me (one while still under warranty, fortunately).

So, in summary, I give them between four and five stars out of five. If I hadn’t had Accuvibe battery failures, it’d be a five star, and if I hadn’t had a couple of experiences where the Magic Wand cord got tangled where it shouldn’t, I’d give it five stars. Both are recommended.

You can get more information (and purchase) the Magic Wand through Good Vibrations. The Acuvibe I purchased has been, unfortunately, discontinued (I got it from The Sharper Image). Good Vibrations does carry a mini-Acuvibe by the same manufacturer.

In a comment to my last post, Fallen Depths said that I owed you a toy after my vacation. Okay… what about a sex toy? Or at least a discussion of them?

I admit, my direct experience with sex toys for men is pretty limited. I long ago established that my own hand was better than anything I could buy. But that said, when I was single, I owned six vibrators. While I don’t live in Texas and therefore wouldn’t have had to deal with the legal problems of owning that many, in many ways it could be considered strange.

Now two of these were more gags than really usable. One was a vibrating rubber duck, that I kept on the edge of my bathtub. It made me smirk to see it, particularly on those few occasions when a lover was soaking in the tub. To the best of my knowledge, none of the women actually used it, but they did laugh when I pushed its back and it began to hum.

The other was a vibrating hairbrush. I bought it at one of those ‘home toy parties’ where the hostess shows off various sex toys for purchase and then goes into a side room to transact the deals. The sales lady at this one was a woman I’d met once at a tantra workshop and was being hosted by the local polyamory support group. A bdsm playmate of mine invited me and I bought the brush simply so I could spank her with it in front of the rest of the crowd. Of course, I was then stuck with an extra vibrator. Still, it made for an amusing, though somewhat surreal scene.

The other four were, well… ‘in stock’ for when I did have female company. One was a powerful waterproof vibe. One was a standard smooth dildo shaped one. One was a Hitachi Magic Wand, and the last was an Accuvibe, which is like a Magic Wand, but rechargeable, allowing one to dispense with the cord. All of them found use in partner play at one point or another.

What was partially surprising to me was that they were new toys to a several of the women. A few had never tried or owned a vibrator. Others had never used more than their standard favorite, which was usually a random purchase rather than one bought after research and possibly personal testing. Several of my own toys ‘wandered away’ when relationships ended, forcing me to purchase replacements.

And yes, there are a lot of good stories in there. And no, I’m not going to put them into a musings post. Instead, I’m going to crib from them for my future fiction. ‘Write what you know’ after all.

As a result of those experiences, I actually became a mini-expert in certain circles. One two occasions, I ended up giving advice to women I was not intimate with about what to look for in a vibrator and what to consider. Of course, they didn’t tell me how it worked out for them, and I didn’t want to get pushy, so I have no idea if my advice was actually good, but it was still amusing to give.

But more importantly, I think it helped with my sex life as a single guy. If a guy is open-minded enough to own toys for his partner’s benefit–what’s not to like? None of the women who entered my bedroom complained or found excuses to leave because I was a pervert. Instead, it became one more fun time to share.

The synchronicity of two things this past week involving sexual conservatism made me smile. First, an author wrote me and reminded me that my sexual history is not the mainstream. Second, a woman I know attended a ‘sex toy party’ (one of those sales parties where women sell adult products to other women in someone’s home) and discovered that she was one of the more ‘liberal’ attendees.

Now I know that I’ve got more experience than most people. After all, I deliberately set out to get experience in tantra and bdsm. I accumulated several shelves of books on sexuality and that’s after purging a shelf or two about a decade ago when I last moved. I also spend way too much time exploring the internet, and it’s usually on sexually related topics. Hell, I write porn. My wife jokingly calls me a dirty old man.

So I wasn’t surprised to be politely reminded that most people tend to get into vanilla sexual relationships and those relationships are where the majority of their sexual life occurs. I, after all, have been happily married and monogamous for several years now and therefore ‘retired’ from a lot of the active exploration.

But I was surprised to be reminded how much more adventurous I’ve been than average. Most of that hearing about the sex toy party. The sales lady said that every woman should own five vibrators, and listed the five types (phallic, bullet, wand, butterfly, waterproof). I smiled when I heard this, recognizing a marketing spiel in work. If five is “ideal”, how many of the women she’s selling to will break down and buy at least one?

For that’s what the surprise was. I had long ago hit the point where I assumed that every woman owned a couple of vibrators. At a minimum, I figured every woman had one that she really liked. But the party reminded me–not so. Most of the women attending were about to make their first purchase.

And when I step back, I have to go “duh.” I’m sure, in the national or global average, a substantial number of women, if not the majority, don’t own a sex toy of any type. Quick googling confirms that–only 46% of women admitted to owning a vibrator in one survey. Another says 25%. A third says half. None of those numbers are close to the “every woman” figure I’d had in my head.

This was confirmed because one of the women expressed concerns about her husband feeling threatened by a vibrator. That just made me raise my eyebrows. I thought we’d culturally moved past the belief that a man wasn’t truly manly if his wife got off by other means. My personal belief is closer to: “hell, enjoy your vibrator! Use it a lot! Can I watch? How about if I drive?”

In fact, as a single man, I owned, gawd, six vibrators. Not for my use, but ones I’d accumulated for use with various lovers and playmates over the years and ended up keeping (though on more than one occasion, a breakup meant I lost my sex toys).

Which, I guess, it part of why I was surprised. It’s too easy to take myself as an example of ‘normal’ without realizing how non-conservative I really am.